There are two kinds of love in the level of conscious mind; the love of ego and the love of self-realized ego. The love of ego is very common and it is what the majority of us do in the name of love. This love is based on conditions, and so it can also be called trade and exchange. There are always causes, reasons, and conditions raised from selfishness for this kind of love. This love is not universal and applies only to those who meet the criteria, the conditions self has applied.
A mother loves her child, but she won’t love if this criterion is not fulfilled. If she could love without criteria, then she would love everyone. But she loves her child only, and perhaps she might have some care or some feelings for others as well, but it is not on par with that of her own child. This is the condition her selfishness or self has placed; the child must be her own. This applies to others as well, those operating from ego.
Because of this, we have anger issues, we have conflicts, we get hurt, we get jealous, we get violent, and so on. You might say that it is natural and common. As I mentioned earlier, the majority of us operate from ego, and our love is the love of ego, so to be angry, to be hurt, to be jealous seems natural to us. This love is purely a chase of dopamine, the pleasure, and avoidance of pain, or displeasure. When you keep providing me with dopamine and pleasure, our relationship will go smoothly. But the moment you give me displeasure and disturbance, I will not feel love.
In those moments, in the moments of hurt, of anger, of jealousy, we don’t feel love for the person like we used to, no matter how close we are. Have you ever inquired why we get hurt or angry or jealous? Isn’t it because we lack acceptance and letting go? And we also believe that in love there should be letting go and acceptance, but the lack of this causes angriness, hurts, jealousy, and so on. No man in the world, no matter who, can ever hurt anyone psychologically. You can never hurt me psychologically. It is me myself, self-hurting myself from the actions you did.
After all, everything is inherently meaningless. Give curse words to a newborn baby, he will not be hurt by those words. Show some disrespectful signs or symbols, he will not care, rather he might find it funny and laugh. For him, everything is meaningless. He is unaware of the meanings we have invented. The meanings are invented by the mind. We interpret our experiences and give meaning or significance to them, and from those self-imposed meanings, we are hurt or so on. So it is me myself, self-hurting.
Now there is also another kind of love; the love of self-realized ego. When the ego realizes that nothing and no one can hurt him, cheat him, deceive him, anger him, make him feel jealous or insecure, and rather it is he himself doing these to himself, he is now a self-realized ego. Now this self-realized ego has the quality of letting go and acceptance. Now who can hurt him or anger him? Who can cheat him or make him feel jealous? No one can. He no longer minds, rather accepts and lets it go.
Doesn’t it sound like an extraordinary thing for you that a man can remain unhurt, remain unangered, remain from being jealous and so on? This phenomenon is rare and seemingly difficult to bring for us. Only when realizations after realizations keep dawning upon our self-made thick walls of conditioning, capable of breaking it, can lead us to that kind of love which never hurts.
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