Take me as I am

Take me as I am, whatever I may be. Whatever I do, whatever I am, is the ultimate reality. No comparison and idealisation can change the ultimate reality. You may go on comparing and inventing infinite ideals, but the fact remains as it is. I can fake myself to impress, to fit in, but the ultimate reality remains as it is.

Accept me wholly, not just my pleasurable parts. Accept not only light, but also all of my darkness because I am both. Without darkness light cannot be visible, and without light darkness cannot be. Both are complimentary to each others. Without total acceptance, you can never truly meet me. What you meet is only either my physical body or a part of me, an idea of me.

Without meeting me, you cannot have any relationships with me. All your relationships are with your own ideas; you are in relationship with only yourself. If you have never met Nikit, how can there be any relationship? You are just in relationship with the idea of Nikit.

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Where is God?

God is neither in, nor out. God is neither above, nor below. God is neither time, nor the timeless. God is neither finite, nor the infinite. God is neither anywhere, nor nowhere. For god to be either in or out, god must be separate from in and out. But there is nothing except god. When I am the whole space, what space is left for me to move?

With separation, god dies. God is the one whole space, and within that mind has made fragmentary infinite spaces. People are after god. When you seek god, you kill god. You tore apart the one, the whole, into infinite fragments. It’s like separating the body parts from a human. What happens? He dies. So when you seek god, you think god is something separate from you, therefore the whole one is tore apart into fragments, into pieces.

To seek god is like seeking the ocean. All you can find is the countless drops of water. There is no such thing as ocean. But when you see that the countless drops are simply one drop, it is the ocean. When you simply see that there is only one, then god is. If you go after god, or seek the god, you kill it. The poor guy is now nowhere to be found.

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Effort clouds effortless

Effort clouds effortless. Focus clouds attention. Choice clouds choice-less. Known clouds unknown. Conscious clouds unconscious. When the real is clouded by unreal, you are living in maya—illusion—, in dream. In dream, do whatever, it is only dream. What we try to do is, grab the pillow of real world from the hands in dream. How can the hands of dream reach the pillow of real world? The known cannot touch the unknown. The effort cannot touch the effortless. The choice cannot touch the choice-less. The focus cannot touch attention.

These all are happenings. Happenings implies no one does. Because doer, planner, thinker, observer, are all fictional entities with no real grounds. While you are putting effort, effortless is also happening in the grand view. But that grand view so grand and big, the eyes cannot see. Eyes fail to capture due to its grandness. You have to realise it. And when you realise it, you no longer put any efforts for the effortless, you no longer seek, no longer search. You don’t focus, you don’t make choices for it. It is always already there, you can see.

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In relationship, there is no love

In relationship, there is no love. The people in relationship use one another for pleasure. And when with pleasure comes displeasure—which is obvious thing—, there is conflict which might also end the relationship. We try to fill our void with relationship, with our ideal relationship. There is no filling of the void but only acceptance and neverminding.

When you try to fill the void, the void never gets filled. You might ask your partner to not do those things which hurts you, and even if they stop doing it, new causes of hurting you will arise. You will again ask your partner to not do those new things, and this will always go on. Your partner will never meet your ideals. You have to accept your partner for who he or she is. You have to look at the source, not the product.

Look at the void you are trying to fill. Look why you are getting hurt, and why is being hurt bad? Why can’t we stay with hurt? What’s wrong with being hurt and what’s right with being pleased? Your insecurity, your uncertainty, can never be filled by others. Your partner can try all she or he can, but still new causes will arise that will again make you insecure and uncertain.

Do not look out, look inward. Look why are you afraid, why are you hurt, not what to do to stop that feeling. Close the source, address the roots so it never bothers you again. Accept your insecurity and fears, and you won’t be bothered by them again. But the other person cannot address your insecurity or fears, they can only suppress it for sooner or later. Unless the fears, the insecurities are addressed, love has no place.

You will say I love my partner, but the fear will always hold you from trusting completely, from opening up your heart completely. Where there is no open heart, no trust, how can love be? The relationship merely becomes the exchange of pleasure and displeasure, and based on that, the relationship grows or dies. It is like the trade and business. The more profit, the more chance of growing and the more loss, the more chance of ending. It is just mind, with all its calculations, playing the game of profit and loss, using one another.

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Love is acceptance

 “Love exists only when there is a total acceptance and no desire to change” Osho. Osho is talking about the love of the self-realised ego in the level of the conscious mind. What is acceptance and how does the desire to change arise? And what does love have to do with those things?

Acceptance is a simple word: to accept something. There is the love of the self-realised ego when you accept someone completely and totally. Normally, in the love of the ego, we accept only a part of the person we think we love. I say I love my wife, but I get angry with her, jealous, hurt, frustrated, and so on. These emotions or feelings have no place in love. These emotions arise because I don’t accept my wife completely. I only accept her part which is pleasant to me, and her unpleasant part arises jealousy, rage, frustration, and so on.

The desire to change comes from comparison. The comparison of what my wife is with what my wife isn’t. It is a comparison of reality with an idea or imagination. It is like comparing a banana tree with a mango tree and expecting the banana tree to produce mangoes. How can it? And how foolish are you to expect such a thing? If there is acceptance, there are no desires to change or expectations. Even if you have, they shouldn’t affect you much because they are just unreal things, and your wife is a real thing.

You have to peel the layers of your mind yourself to come to this. No one can do it for you because no one can enter your mind and no one can understand you. Only you have lived your life and experienced whatever experiences were there. So it is your job. You have to see that what you are now is the result of the past you have had. You had no choice over your past. Randomly one day you came out of this world, and you had no choices. Then life took care of you and raised you. What you are now is the product of totality, the universe, and life.

You cannot judge anyone because you haven’t lived their life, understood their thinking process, and experienced their experiences. You cannot understand why they do what they do, or why they are what they are. You have to accept everyone as they are, whatever they may be. There is no good and bad, no measure to measure, no determinants to determine, no judge to judge. Everyone is living this life for the first time in the field of conscious mind. There is no rulebook or guideline to follow, because nobody lived this life more than one. We all are newcomers and so no one is better or worse than no one.

On the other hand, judgments are nothing but our own confessions loaded with personal history. To judge or condemn someone is to judge and condemn ourselves. Because our entire life, we have never seen anyone except ourselves. We have only seen the ideas of others according to our mind. You have seen bad Nikit, good Nikit, funny Nikit, boring Nikit, according to the memories we have spent together. You have never seen the total, the whole, the me Nikit. And what you say about Nikit, is you saying about yourself. Because Nikit is you, your own idea loaded with personal history.

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A Love that never hurts

There are two kinds of love in the level of conscious mind; the love of ego and the love of self-realized ego. The love of ego is very common and it is what the majority of us do in the name of love. This love is based on conditions, and so it can also be called trade and exchange. There are always causes, reasons, and conditions raised from selfishness for this kind of love. This love is not universal and applies only to those who meet the criteria, the conditions self has applied.

A mother loves her child, but she won’t love if this criterion is not fulfilled. If she could love without criteria, then she would love everyone. But she loves her child only, and perhaps she might have some care or some feelings for others as well, but it is not on par with that of her own child. This is the condition her selfishness or self has placed; the child must be her own. This applies to others as well, those operating from ego.

Because of this, we have anger issues, we have conflicts, we get hurt, we get jealous, we get violent, and so on. You might say that it is natural and common. As I mentioned earlier, the majority of us operate from ego, and our love is the love of ego, so to be angry, to be hurt, to be jealous seems natural to us. This love is purely a chase of dopamine, the pleasure, and avoidance of pain, or displeasure. When you keep providing me with dopamine and pleasure, our relationship will go smoothly. But the moment you give me displeasure and disturbance, I will not feel love.

In those moments, in the moments of hurt, of anger, of jealousy, we don’t feel love for the person like we used to, no matter how close we are. Have you ever inquired why we get hurt or angry or jealous? Isn’t it because we lack acceptance and letting go? And we also believe that in love there should be letting go and acceptance, but the lack of this causes angriness, hurts, jealousy, and so on. No man in the world, no matter who, can ever hurt anyone psychologically. You can never hurt me psychologically. It is me myself, self-hurting myself from the actions you did.

After all, everything is inherently meaningless. Give curse words to a newborn baby, he will not be hurt by those words. Show some disrespectful signs or symbols, he will not care, rather he might find it funny and laugh. For him, everything is meaningless. He is unaware of the meanings we have invented. The meanings are invented by the mind. We interpret our experiences and give meaning or significance to them, and from those self-imposed meanings, we are hurt or so on. So it is me myself, self-hurting.

Now there is also another kind of love; the love of self-realized ego. When the ego realizes that nothing and no one can hurt him, cheat him, deceive him, anger him, make him feel jealous or insecure, and rather it is he himself doing these to himself, he is now a self-realized ego. Now this self-realized ego has the quality of letting go and acceptance. Now who can hurt him or anger him? Who can cheat him or make him feel jealous? No one can. He no longer minds, rather accepts and lets it go.

Doesn’t it sound like an extraordinary thing for you that a man can remain unhurt, remain unangered, remain from being jealous and so on? This phenomenon is rare and seemingly difficult to bring for us. Only when realizations after realizations keep dawning upon our self-made thick walls of conditioning, capable of breaking it, can lead us to that kind of love which never hurts.

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You

You,

a home,

for the homeless me,

countless drops,

for the boundless sea,

a sprouting seed,

for the huge huge tree,

a sparking spark,

for the flame to be,

a guiding star,

for the lost to see,

a tender touch,

for the aching me,

the only truth,

for this wandering "me",

the only truth,

for this wandering "me".

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Perfect

Perfect,

is the perfect name for you,

which is perfectly true,

as it perfectly defines,

the perfect you.

Perfect,

is perfectly what you are,

and perfectly what you do,

like the radiance of the morning dew,

perfectly fresh, perfectly new.

Perfect,

not just a name,

it's a spark, a glowing flame,

the beauty, the essence, the heart of life's game,

constant, steady, always the same.

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Blessed

Blessed,

To have you,
By my side,
In every tides,

In every storms that might.

In every dark night.

For being the light,

That illuminates,

And Eliminates,

The darkness.

Blessed,

To have you,

To understand me,

To understand us,

Not creating any fuss,

Over the things that are,

Just.

Blessed,

To have you,

To hold my hand,

To help me stand,

Through the shifting time,

In every life’s demand.

Blessed,

To have you,

With a heart so kind,

A peaceful mind,

A bond that don’t bind,

A pleasant, refreshing wind.

Blessed,

To have you,

In every way,

Each passing day,

Forever, I hope,

You’ll stay.

Oh it’s fine,

If with time,

Fade fades you,

Shed sheds you,

Take takes you.

I hope you will shine,

As bright as the stars,

As far as the sun,

As warm as heat,

As cool as breeze.

Oh, it’s fine,

If you must go,

As long as you know,

You’ll forever glow,

In my heart’s eternal flow.

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I offer my curse to God

If god is pleased by offering him gold and diamonds, I offer him mud. If god is pleased by offering him prayers, I will offer him curses. If god is pleased by offering him tears of devotion, I will offer him laughter. If God desires my humility, I will stand tall in defiance. If God seeks worship, I will remain silent.

For if this God is real, he would not demand, nor expect, nor be swayed by the trivial offerings of mortals. Therefore, I will offer neither wealth nor words, neither reverence nor rebellion. Instead, I will seek to understand the truth of life, the truth of myself. For in that understanding, perhaps, lies the only offering that matters. 

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God and The Ocean

God and the Ocean are the same; they both are, and they both are not. In the name of the Ocean, all you can show me are countless drops of water. In the name of God, all you can show me are countless fragments of creation.

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