Take me as I am

Take me as I am, whatever I may be. Whatever I do, whatever I am, is the ultimate reality. No comparison and idealisation can change the ultimate reality. You may go on comparing and inventing infinite ideals, but the fact remains as it is. I can fake myself to impress, to fit in, but the ultimate reality remains as it is.

Accept me wholly, not just my pleasurable parts. Accept not only light, but also all of my darkness because I am both. Without darkness light cannot be visible, and without light darkness cannot be. Both are complimentary to each others. Without total acceptance, you can never truly meet me. What you meet is only either my physical body or a part of me, an idea of me.

Without meeting me, you cannot have any relationships with me. All your relationships are with your own ideas; you are in relationship with only yourself. If you have never met Nikit, how can there be any relationship? You are just in relationship with the idea of Nikit.

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Where is God?

God is neither in, nor out. God is neither above, nor below. God is neither time, nor the timeless. God is neither finite, nor the infinite. God is neither anywhere, nor nowhere. For god to be either in or out, god must be separate from in and out. But there is nothing except god. When I am the whole space, what space is left for me to move?

With separation, god dies. God is the one whole space, and within that mind has made fragmentary infinite spaces. People are after god. When you seek god, you kill god. You tore apart the one, the whole, into infinite fragments. It’s like separating the body parts from a human. What happens? He dies. So when you seek god, you think god is something separate from you, therefore the whole one is tore apart into fragments, into pieces.

To seek god is like seeking the ocean. All you can find is the countless drops of water. There is no such thing as ocean. But when you see that the countless drops are simply one drop, it is the ocean. When you simply see that there is only one, then god is. If you go after god, or seek the god, you kill it. The poor guy is now nowhere to be found.

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Effort clouds effortless

Effort clouds effortless. Focus clouds attention. Choice clouds choice-less. Known clouds unknown. Conscious clouds unconscious. When the real is clouded by unreal, you are living in maya—illusion—, in dream. In dream, do whatever, it is only dream. What we try to do is, grab the pillow of real world from the hands in dream. How can the hands of dream reach the pillow of real world? The known cannot touch the unknown. The effort cannot touch the effortless. The choice cannot touch the choice-less. The focus cannot touch attention.

These all are happenings. Happenings implies no one does. Because doer, planner, thinker, observer, are all fictional entities with no real grounds. While you are putting effort, effortless is also happening in the grand view. But that grand view so grand and big, the eyes cannot see. Eyes fail to capture due to its grandness. You have to realise it. And when you realise it, you no longer put any efforts for the effortless, you no longer seek, no longer search. You don’t focus, you don’t make choices for it. It is always already there, you can see.

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In relationship, there is no love

In relationship, there is no love. The people in relationship use one another for pleasure. And when with pleasure comes displeasure—which is obvious thing—, there is conflict which might also end the relationship. We try to fill our void with relationship, with our ideal relationship. There is no filling of the void but only acceptance and neverminding.

When you try to fill the void, the void never gets filled. You might ask your partner to not do those things which hurts you, and even if they stop doing it, new causes of hurting you will arise. You will again ask your partner to not do those new things, and this will always go on. Your partner will never meet your ideals. You have to accept your partner for who he or she is. You have to look at the source, not the product.

Look at the void you are trying to fill. Look why you are getting hurt, and why is being hurt bad? Why can’t we stay with hurt? What’s wrong with being hurt and what’s right with being pleased? Your insecurity, your uncertainty, can never be filled by others. Your partner can try all she or he can, but still new causes will arise that will again make you insecure and uncertain.

Do not look out, look inward. Look why are you afraid, why are you hurt, not what to do to stop that feeling. Close the source, address the roots so it never bothers you again. Accept your insecurity and fears, and you won’t be bothered by them again. But the other person cannot address your insecurity or fears, they can only suppress it for sooner or later. Unless the fears, the insecurities are addressed, love has no place.

You will say I love my partner, but the fear will always hold you from trusting completely, from opening up your heart completely. Where there is no open heart, no trust, how can love be? The relationship merely becomes the exchange of pleasure and displeasure, and based on that, the relationship grows or dies. It is like the trade and business. The more profit, the more chance of growing and the more loss, the more chance of ending. It is just mind, with all its calculations, playing the game of profit and loss, using one another.

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Love is acceptance

 “Love exists only when there is a total acceptance and no desire to change” Osho. Osho is talking about the love of the self-realised ego in the level of the conscious mind. What is acceptance and how does the desire to change arise? And what does love have to do with those things?

Acceptance is a simple word: to accept something. There is the love of the self-realised ego when you accept someone completely and totally. Normally, in the love of the ego, we accept only a part of the person we think we love. I say I love my wife, but I get angry with her, jealous, hurt, frustrated, and so on. These emotions or feelings have no place in love. These emotions arise because I don’t accept my wife completely. I only accept her part which is pleasant to me, and her unpleasant part arises jealousy, rage, frustration, and so on.

The desire to change comes from comparison. The comparison of what my wife is with what my wife isn’t. It is a comparison of reality with an idea or imagination. It is like comparing a banana tree with a mango tree and expecting the banana tree to produce mangoes. How can it? And how foolish are you to expect such a thing? If there is acceptance, there are no desires to change or expectations. Even if you have, they shouldn’t affect you much because they are just unreal things, and your wife is a real thing.

You have to peel the layers of your mind yourself to come to this. No one can do it for you because no one can enter your mind and no one can understand you. Only you have lived your life and experienced whatever experiences were there. So it is your job. You have to see that what you are now is the result of the past you have had. You had no choice over your past. Randomly one day you came out of this world, and you had no choices. Then life took care of you and raised you. What you are now is the product of totality, the universe, and life.

You cannot judge anyone because you haven’t lived their life, understood their thinking process, and experienced their experiences. You cannot understand why they do what they do, or why they are what they are. You have to accept everyone as they are, whatever they may be. There is no good and bad, no measure to measure, no determinants to determine, no judge to judge. Everyone is living this life for the first time in the field of conscious mind. There is no rulebook or guideline to follow, because nobody lived this life more than one. We all are newcomers and so no one is better or worse than no one.

On the other hand, judgments are nothing but our own confessions loaded with personal history. To judge or condemn someone is to judge and condemn ourselves. Because our entire life, we have never seen anyone except ourselves. We have only seen the ideas of others according to our mind. You have seen bad Nikit, good Nikit, funny Nikit, boring Nikit, according to the memories we have spent together. You have never seen the total, the whole, the me Nikit. And what you say about Nikit, is you saying about yourself. Because Nikit is you, your own idea loaded with personal history.

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Wisdom cannot be taught

Old guys have become tired of instructing, advising, and disciplining the youngsters. How can they simply give them their years of experience? It may be a fact that what the old buddy is saying is true and a valuable lesson of life, but it is his personal lesson that came with his personal history and experiences. The experience and realisation of one is simply superficial knowledge to another. 

The religions, the Gita, the Quran, the Bible, the priest, the guru, this and that have completely failed. How can they succeed? How can someone show light to the person who has closed his eyes? The guy must open his eyes to see light. And when he opens his eyes, does he still need a guru to teach him what light is? It is simply nonsense and unnecessary. So how can anyone give their experience of light to he who has closed his eyes? You have to understand that the blind cannot see. 

Let the poor youngsters open their eyes for god’s sake. Why are you in a rush to make him a robot, a mechanical thing? Your most valuable experience and realisation is meaningless or insignificant superficial knowledge to anyone other than yourself. You are no teacher, no guru, no helper, no hero. Life does all this because we all are, after all, the guests of life. We are here for a very short period of time. Let life take care of its guests. You are no greater or better or worse than another. You are also a guest, and he is too. Life will take care of him as well. 

Read whatever book or scriptures you want to, go to whoever teacher or guru you want to, join whatever sect or religion you want to, and you will be led nowhere. Unless you open your eyes, no one can show you. And once you open your eyes, things are visible already. So what is the use? Life gives experience and realisation to every individual. Each individual has learned something valuable from their experiences, in their own way and at their own time. The experience of one is of no use to another. 

You can’t experience the Gita or Quran or Bible. They are mere knowledge. Knowledge is a thing that can be transferred and imparted, but for wisdom, there is no such facility. Wisdom must come on its own; one cannot bring wisdom with will or force.

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The Non-Dual Relationship

The best relationship one can have is the non-dual relationship. It is best in the sense that there is no suffering in that. See, pain and pleasure are natural, inevitable, but suffering is our own conditioning, limitation. The conditioning can easily be unconditioned when you see that you are conditioned. To see means to be aware of, to be conscious of. The mind is not truly conscious. It translates the sensations and is conscious of outer world, but to be truly conscious, the mind must also be aware of its inner world. The mind must be conscious that it is conditioned and limited. It must peel through the layers of its conditions, habits, and programming.

This leads to clarity. Clarity doesn’t only means that you are seeing objects clearly, hearing sounds clearly, feeling, tasting, and smelling finely, but it means to be clear about the thoughts that are produced with those sensations. To see why and how does these thoughts came, the programming and conditioning behind them. For instance, how you react to visually appealing human being and visually non-appealing human being. What opinions are produced when you see some one doing some actions. You also need the clarity for inner world.

Before humans, there seems very less development of psychological aspect and mind. So, for those organisms, only physical aspect is there. But for human, both physical and mental aspects are there. You not only perform physically, but also mentally and so both physical and mental clarity and well-being is required. What happens when you are physically confined behind walls, in prison? You are actually confined behind the walls of conditioning mentally. These walls need to be broken, by the hammer of awareness and realizations.

You have eyes but never saw anyone, you have ears but never heard anyone, you have feelings but never felt anyone. How can you? Because even though you are not confined physically, psychologically you are confined behind walls of your conditioning. So what you hear is your own echo. If you cannot see anyone, ho can you have relationship? You say that I am in relationship with my wife, but have you ever met your wife, not just physically, but mentally? You only meet her physically, with the body. But human being is not just body like the most other organisms, human is both physical and mental. You need to meet Nikit mentally as well, because there are two Nikits; the body and the mind.

You have met my body, and based on your level of understanding, you created an image of me. Mentally you only met your own idea, only yourself. To meet Nikit and others wholly and truly, your have to first set yourself free from the mental confinement. Now this is a random and rare phenomenon.

Everyone is conditioned to keep running, to keep seeking, to keep achieving and competing. Since birth, the aims and desires are imposed. When a child grows up, he is put into school to gain the so-called education. Then after few years he is asked repeatedly about what he is going to be or do in the future. He is trained to have ambitions and goal, a hopeful and bright future. Then the poor kid starts chasing his goals and ambitions. He keeps running and running and running. He never gets any time to stop and look around. In this race he loses a lot of things and keeps regretting about not paying attention to them sooner. But he still keeps running and again misses and loses a lot of things. He barely has any time. He is conditioned to be busy by the society and culture. He is snatched from his quality of being present and happiness.

Such heavy conditioning makes mental freedom a very rare and random phenomenon. Only randomness and rareness can give the poor kid some realizations or time to stop and think for himself. But without mental freedom, you are caught into the duality and cannot have non-dual relationship. You cannot have real relationship with any human being. You can have relationship with the body, and your own idea. But human being is not only body, he has mental aspect as well. You have to meet him mentally as well. So break the barrier between you and others, the mental conditioning. The walls are thick and strong, but may randomness and rareness bless you with destroying realizations that destroys you completely. You is the product of mental conditioning, the collective, the society and relationships. May you die mentally to be reborn as a fresh and innocent you again.

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